$\omega$-inconsistent life

I was sad and wanted to die, but didn't want to die yet because I would like to think of a good reason to.

I said, "I know that there's a proof of life's meaninglessness, but I'd like to be justified in my belief. So I would kill myself on the next day iff I find a proof of life's meaninglessness."

On day 1, I did not find a proof, but I said, "Maybe tomorrow I will."

On day n, I did not find a proof, but I said, "Maybe tomorrow I will."

Thus this hope for self-righteous suicide did keep me living forever. But I did enumerate all the proofs that I could enumerate. From the standpoint of infinity, I could see that there really is no proof of life's meaninglessness, and I wasted my life on an impossible project. This became proof of my life's meaninglessness.

Like $PA+\neg Con(PA)$, my whole life becomes $\omega$-inconsistent.

So?

I just thought this is funny since I do think life is meaninglessness, and that the proof only requires a good analysis of how the word "meaningless" is used, and how the scientific materialism shows that life is meaningless.

However, this is not a commonly accepted view. It only remains to say it in such an irresistible formulation that pierces through all the psychological defences that normally censors this from the human mind. The results would be pretty bad, I imagine, something like extreme nihilism and absurdism. Such virulent nihilism is quite literally a disease of the mind, for it destroys the design specs of it, like a gastric cancer destroys the design specs of the digestive tract.